Just A Little Unwell
by Eh Man
Summary: Life wasn't always that great for Zigzag at Camp Greenlake. Infact, it was pretty much just living hell. [No slash,sex,profanity,MS] FINISHED


Author's Note: Hello! Yes, this is Eh, Man, back again for another little angst ficcy.  
  
Yes, this one is actually fairly little. If fourteen pages and 3, 767 words is short. -_-  
  
Heh, GO HOLES!!! Erm, Sorry. Ok, now this is getting really sad. We REALLY need a Holes section! We're piling up in the Miscellaneous Novels section.  
  
Alright, now on to the ficcy info. This is a Zigzag fic. I have discovered a new-found love for the lil' guy. Ok, he's not so little. Shush. ^_^ This may seem a little AU at the beginning, but don't worry, it will all work out in the end.  
  
This IS a songfic. It's not really noticeable and just adds a little to the story. It's to Matchbox 20's Unwell. I'm sorry, but it is such a PERFECT SONG for Ziggy! Oh, and the lyrics are surrounded by ~*~s. Ok? Ok!  
  
By the way, I know there is another Zigzag fic to Unwell, but I promise that this is completely original!  
  
And be forewarned, I there's some swearing near the end.  
  
Now on with the fic!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Holes, or Matchbox 20's Unwell.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Zigzag turned rolled over on his cot, his eyes squeezed shut. His breath came unsteadily; his fists curled into fists under the scratchy blankets. Facing the wall of the tent, he suppressed the shaking his body made with his silent sobs. A few glistening tears escaped through his tightly closed lids and fell onto the pillow.  
  
His eyes opened slowly, still shining with unshed tears. The door- flap of the tent was open partway, and the light from the moon and the Wardens cabin leaked in. How did light manage to travel that far? He didn't know. He guessed that light could travel as far as it wanted to over a pitch-black desert. Maybe the regular rules of light didn't apply at Camp Greenlake. As if to taunt him, the faint beams of light fell gracefully on the wall of the tent where he was facing.  
  
'Sorry.' He said silently, 'You can travel as far as you want to.' It didn't occur to him that talking to light beams in the middle of the night was considered not normal.  
  
~*~  
  
All day  
  
Staring at the ceiling  
  
Makin' friends with shadows on my wall  
  
~*~  
  
His gaze traveled away from the offending beams of light to the sleeping bodies lying on their respective cots. Fresh tears sprung anew unto his eyes, but he pressed his face against the pillow.  
  
Day after day, night after night, he went through the same routine. Living hell throughout the day as well as digging a five-foot hole, then living hell throughout the night filled with insomnia and memories.  
  
"Weird!"  
  
"Crazy!"  
  
"Nutcase!"  
  
Zigzag ran a hand through his hair, and lay on his back facing the ceiling. Insomnia. It was such an interesting and complex word for not being able to sleep. Why wouldn't they just call it 'bored' or some other word not quite so difficult. Not that the word insomnia was difficult, but...  
  
Why was he defending himself?  
  
He rubbed his hands over his eyes. 'Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep...' If only chanting 'go to sleep' would actually get the job done, it would save hours of lying awake staring at the ceiling. But, as Zigzag knew from much experience, saying those three words over and over actually kept you awake longer. He just wanted to rip out his hair and slam his head on something hard to forcibly put himself to sleep.  
  
But what was the point? Not like there was anything to look forward to tomorrow. Maybe he could just stay in this night-world that only he existed in, and he wouldn't have to face the harsh reality? Maybe tomorrow....maybe tomorrow the hell that was Camp Greenlake would stop. Not the digging holes, that would never stop. But maybe the boys would realize he was more then just a crazy, strange looking kid....maybe. Not likely, but he could hope, couldn't he?  
  
~*~  
  
All night  
  
Hearing voices telling  
  
Me that I should get some sleep  
  
Because tomorrow might be good for something  
  
~*~  
  
The urge to get up and scream was almost unbearable. His foot constantly banged against the other one restlessly under the covers. Zigzag sat up and put his head into his shaking hands, once and a while running his hands through his hair. He couldn't take it. No more memories, please. Just make them stop, oh god just make them shut the hell up.  
  
"You're a freak!"  
  
"Stop being so insane."  
  
"I hate you, go away you stupid nutcase!"  
  
"You're crazy!"  
  
He couldn't take it. He was going to crack. One day, the shaking of his hands would be so much he would smash the shovel over the head of the first kid to call him 'weird'. He slowly rocked back and forth.  
  
"Insane."  
  
"Weird."  
  
"Loony."  
  
"Crazy."  
  
"Cracked."  
  
"Out of your mind."  
  
Back and forth. Back and forth. He couldn't take it. Someday, he would crack. If he hadn't already. There was no reason for this. None. Why did the other kids think he was crazy? Sure, he was a little original, and did some strange things but... Nothing he did prepared him for this mental torture.  
  
Was it the way he looked? His eyes opened and he stared at the palms over his face. Blackness. Zigzag knew he looked a little weird. Okay, he knew he looked really weird. What with his hair and long neck. He could do nothing about his neck, and his mother had a weird obsession for trying to make his hair lie flat. Needless to say, it wasn't too successful. Truly, he didn't really care how he looked. But why did they judge him on his looks? Well, he said a few strange things once and a while. But it wasn't enough to insult him every chance they got, was it? He wasn't insane.  
  
~*~  
  
Hold on  
  
Feeling like I'm headed for a  
  
Breakdown and I don't know why  
  
~*~  
  
Others didn't agree with him. The shrink he had been forcibly sent to after his court case said he 'suffered from acute paranoia'. It wasn't his fault the world was out to get him. Weren't the yells of him being crazy proof of that? But he WASN'T crazy. Why did no one get that? Not the judge, not the shrink, not his parents. Not the pretty girl in the yellow dress he tried to ask to the dance a couple weeks before he was arrested.  
  
"Get away from me, weirdo!"  
  
Everyone was watching him. Always. Every minute, every day. He didn't know why they were watching him. 'They' were everyone. The people who followed him down the sidewalk. His math teacher who 'didn't like his effort'. His parents. His cat. The fish in the pet store.  
  
Maybe they were watching him because they thought he was crazy. It would make sense. Everyone turned and stared at him when he walked into the Wreck Room anyway. 'Fun, fun, lets go stare at the crazy weird kid. He has no friends, lets go make fun of him and call him things he'll remember in the middle of he night and haunt his dreams.' Yes, that must be exactly what they're thinking.  
  
He wasn't crazy! If they would just spend a few minutes with him when they weren't insulting him, they would realize he was just a normal kid. A normal kid driven to his fears by kids like them always on his case. And watching him, always watching for an excuse to call him crazy.  
  
~*~  
  
Well I'm not crazy  
  
I'm just a little unwell  
  
I know right now you can't tell  
  
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see  
  
A different side of me  
  
~*~  
  
He was a quiet, thoughtful kid. But since everyone bugged the hell out of him his thoughts had turned to why. The searching why had been to why everyone was bugging him in the first place. Because he was weird.  
  
Zigzag fell back onto his cot. It smelled like sour milk and soap. Just sent you right to sleep. Right. He stared intently at the ceiling to the tent. The light didn't reach the top. He remembered what had sent him to tears in the first place that night.  
  
Memories of that day at Camp. 'No, don't think of that.' Zigzag told himself. Funny how that never worked. To bad it didn't. It would save him much self-hate.  
  
He had been digging his hole just like all the rest of the boys at Camp Greenlake. Five feet deep and five feet across. But the other boys kept calling him names as he dug. Didn't they have better things to do, like dig their own holes? Apparently not because they just kept up with the name-calling. Non-stop. In the hot sun. Just made you feel real good.  
  
Finally he had dragged his forearm across his sweaty brow and turned to X-Ray and told him to shut the hell up.  
  
"What you gunna do about it, Crazy Boy?" X-Ray had said. Squid had laughed.  
  
Zigzag had said nothing. Armpit had come over and pushed him. He had fallen on his butt in his hole. Then he got up and socked Armpit. Which had caused Barf Bag to get involved. Anyway, to make a long and extremely painful story short, he got the damn stuffing knocked out of him. And more insults hurled his way. And he had still had to dig his hole.  
  
The pure unfairness and the hell that was his life had hit him full force, and that was why the emotional walls he had put in place weakly after the fight broke. Why couldn't they see who he really was? Besides the odd things he did sometimes, and the weird way he looked.  
  
~*~  
  
I'm not crazy  
  
I'm just a little impaired  
  
I know, right now you don't care  
  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
  
And how I used to be  
  
~*~  
  
He had always been a little 'different'. When he was younger he didn't just have the odd imaginary friend; all his friends were imaginary. His own little world. He had grown out of the make-believe friends, as everyone had hopefully predicted, but still talked to himself. When you didn't have any friends, you are the best company.  
  
~*~  
  
Me, I'm talking to myself in public  
  
And dodging glances on the train  
  
~*~  
  
Camp Greenlake was no different. Except for the long sleepless nights, it was hard to be alone and by yourself. So he had started to watch the television set in the Wreck Room. So it was broken, it didn't matter. Needless to say, he had a great imagination. He imagined all the programs that he could have watched had he been at home, and seeing himself in the place of the serious man in the grey suit grimly reading out the nightly news. But this only caused more strange glances coming his way. And more catcalls.  
  
"You're screwed up."  
  
"There's nothing there, you freak-show."  
  
"That kids whacked."  
  
"You're mental, Zigzag."  
  
Sometimes they weren't even talking to him. They would talk to one- another when they thought he couldn't hear them. That hurt almost more then just directly being told they thought he was insane. Maybe it was true, maybe he really had lost his mind.  
  
"You're crazy."  
  
~*~  
  
And I know  
  
I know they've all been talkin' bout me  
  
I can hear them whisper  
  
And it makes me think that there must be something wrong  
  
With me  
  
Out of all the hours thinking  
  
Somehow I've lost my mind  
  
~*~  
  
Zigzag was lost in his thoughts as he stared at the ceiling of his tent. Soon the wake-up call came. 4:30. He got out of bed and changed into his work clothes. As he tried to leave the tent Squid shoved him into the side. He hadn't been paying attention, and fell hard to the ground. His face rubbed hard against the rough canvas and a red mark appeared on his cheek.  
  
Here we go again.  
  
Breakfast was always a discomforting ordeal. He sat at the end of the bench and concentrated on eating his cereal.  
  
"What happened to your face? You start hurting yourself?" Magnet asked.  
  
Squid snorted. "He hurt himself alright. Clumsy beanstalk walked into the side of the tent."  
The rest of D-Tent howled with laughter. Did he mention that his height was also a subject of public ridicule? Actually, Zero was the only one who didn't laugh. Zero never laughed at him like the others did. But he didn't think anything of it because, well, Zero said nothing anyway.  
  
With a sigh, Zigzag finished his cereal and got up to throw away his leftovers. With a grace acquired from years of being taunted by his classmates, he stepped calmly over the foot extended to trip him.  
  
Grabbing his shovel, he trudged out onto the lake. He put it up against his neck and hung his wrists over it. For him, with his long neck, it was the most comfortable way to hold his shovel. In a way, it reminded him of a picture he had seen once of someone in the stocks. He certainly felt like he was in the stocks and open for public amusement.  
  
Yay, lets go pick on the kid with a few screws loose.  
  
Finally reaching where he was supposed to dig, Zigzag pushed his shovel into the hard dirt and began to dig. Dig your shovel into the dirt, and throw it over your shoulder. Again and again.  
  
It was kind of like digging for treasure. But there was no treasure. He would pretend there was, though, and that all this digging was actually for a purpose. He certainly didn't believe that 'building character' crap.  
  
"You're demented!"  
  
"You see that kid over there? The weird-looking one? I heard he was insane."  
  
"You're a whacko!"  
  
"Whose the kid with the whacked-out hair? He looks stupid."  
  
"Crazy!"  
  
He dug his shovel into the dirt. Again and again.  
  
"Digging, digging, over the desert-y lake. When the weather is hot, and when it is hotter, on the desert-y lake! Digging, digging, in the sun so bright. Oh don't you wish you always had, something else to do!" He sang under his breath. Not quietly enough because Barf Bag said loudly, "He's talking to himself again."  
  
Darn. Zigzag thought he had been digging slightly faster, too. He went back to digging his shovel into the dirt.  
  
~*~  
  
Well I'm not crazy  
  
I'm just a little unwell  
  
I know right now you can't tell  
  
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see  
  
A different side of me  
  
~*~  
  
In and pull, up and throw. Thrust your shovel into the ground, pull it up, lift it into the air and throw it over your shoulder. In and pull, up and throw.  
  
Digging. More digging.  
  
He dug his shovel into the dirt.  
  
The sun beat down on his forehead already and he wiped the sweat from his face. His orange jumpsuit hung heavy and wet with sweat on his body.  
  
"HEY!"  
  
Zigzag leaped into the air as his brain spun a mile a minute. They had come for him. They had found him. They were here. It was 'them'. They were...  
  
Laughing hysterically. D-Tent was laughing hysterically. Squid was doubled over next to Zigzag's pile of dirt and on the verge of tears he was laughing so hard.  
  
"Oh man, you should have seen yourself Zigzag, you looked like you had seen a ghost!" X-Ray laughed. "I told you he was crazy!"  
  
That was it. Zigzag was still shaking. His breath still came in gasps. His eyes darted from one side to the other. He couldn't take it anymore. The taunting laughing continued. They laughed, they jeered, and they pointed and leaned against the side of their holes, weak with amusement.  
  
Zigzag broke.  
  
~*~  
  
I'm not crazy  
  
I'm just a little impaired  
  
I know, right now you don't care  
  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
  
And how I used to be  
  
~*~  
  
That was it. Zigzag snapped. He leaped out of his hole and grabbed the cuff of Squid's orange jumpsuit. He pulled him up near his own face.  
  
"Shut up." He whispered.  
  
The laughing stopped. No one moved. No one said anything. Squid stared at him. Zigzag started talking normally, but the volume of his voice gradually picked up.  
  
"Don't frikkin talk about things you don't understand. Don't frikkin laugh at me because I get scared when someone creeps up on me and yells. Don't frikkin tease me about things I don't control. Don't frikkin insult me. Don't frikin smirk at me because I get annoyed when you get on my freaking case 24-7. Don't frikkin hit me just because I stick up for myself. And most of all, JUST FRIKKIN LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!" He yelled in Squids face.  
  
Still no one moved. Everyone stared at Zigzag. He hadn't started yelling like this usually. Squid stared at him with wide eyes.  
  
Zigzag threw him to the ground and went back to digging his hole. Slowly, the other boys went back to digging and no one said anything.  
  
The sun rose a bit more overhead and soon a cloud of dust could be seen coming towards them across the dried lake bed. The water truck.  
  
They all filed in line, Zigzag at the end behind Zero. Still no-one said anything. Mr. Pendanski filled their canteens with his usual fake smile plastered on his face.  
  
"Alright, give me your canteen Ricky." He told Zigzag. He handed it to him.  
  
"The name's Zigzag."  
  
"Don't talk crazy, Ricky." Mr. Pendanski smirked at his own joke.  
  
The silence became even more foreboding. Mr. Pendanski realized all of D-Tent was staring at him.  
  
"That was cold, Mom." X-Ray said.  
  
Mr. Pendanski looked confused, but handed Zigzag his water bottle.  
  
As they walked back towards the holes, Zigzag turned to X-Ray.  
  
"Thanks." He said. X-Ray said nothing.  
  
~*~  
  
I've been talkin in my sleep  
  
Pretty soon they'll come to get me  
  
Yeah, they're takin' me away  
  
~*~  
  
The next time the water truck came it was Mr. Sir driving. He didn't say anything to D-Tent, and they said nothing in return. Mr. Pendanski must have warned him strange things were happening.  
  
The boys were unusually quiet as they finished digging, spit into their holes, and walked back to camp. Zigzag was bombarded again with memories.  
  
"Stupid."  
  
"Idiotic."  
  
"Lunatic."  
  
"Insane."  
  
"Crazy."  
  
After his four-minute shower, Zigzag wondered into the Wreck Room. Why had X-Ray defended him? The head of D-Tent had certainly never been nice enough to do that before. Hell, he had been one of the ones leading it before.  
  
He sat down on an under-stuffed chair.  
  
"Hey! Loser!" Zigzags head snapped around, thinking they were talking to him. They weren't.  
  
They were talking to Squid.  
  
"What do you want, Thlump." Squid asked, turning to face the large boy.  
  
"Heard from your Mommy lately? Oh that's right...She doesn't care about you. Too bad your Mom loves her drinks better then you."  
  
Zigzag was surprised, he didn't think anyone else in D-Tent got picked on.  
  
"Go away." Was Squid's surprisingly weak comeback.  
  
"What you going to do? Go crying to your Mommy? Oh wait." Thlump laughed loudly.  
  
To Zigzag's complete and utter astonishment, Squid looked close to tears.  
  
"Aww, gunna cry about it?" Thlump teased.  
  
This brought too many bad memories back to Zigzag. He couldn't take it anymore.  
  
"Leave him alone." Zigzag said, and came up behind Thlump.  
  
Thlump twirled around and stared up at the tall kid standing behind him with a dark look on his face. Oh wait, wasn't that the crazy kid...?  
  
"I said, leave him alone." Zigzag repeated calmly.  
  
Thlump glared at him, but turned and slouched away. Squid stared at him again.  
  
"Hey, thanks man. You aren't that bad, Zig." He said.  
  
"You're a good man, Ziggy." X-Ray said from behind Zigzag.  
  
Zigzag turned and found the rest of D-Tent standing behind him.  
  
"Sorry, man." Magnet said. "We didn't mean to bug you that much."  
  
Armpit nodded. Zero said nothing.  
  
"Truce, Ziggy?" Barg Bag asked, offering his hand.  
  
Zigzag took it, and one by one he shook the hand of everyone in D- Tent as a truce. As he came to Squid, the other boy held his hand a little longer, and said "Thanks."  
  
Zigzag just smiled.  
  
~*~  
  
Well I'm not crazy  
  
I'm just a little unwell  
  
I know right now you can't tell  
  
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see  
  
A different side of me  
  
~*~  
  
Seven holes later, Zigzag was feeling something he'd never felt before. Accepted. No one in D-Tent any longer called him crazy or weird as an insult, only as a joke, which Zigzag didn't mind.  
  
He could finally sleep at nights. The insomnia was slowly shrinking as each night went by and he felt accepted. As he got more of his very much-needed sleep, some of the strange things he had been doing went away. Not all of them. He still talked to himself once and awhile, and watched the broken television screen. He still looked like the wackiest kid at Camp Greenlake. But most of the random odd things disappeared and were put down to as serious lack of sleep. The biggest thing that stayed was his constant paranoia. Zigzag figured it would never go away.  
  
By this time the other D-Tent boys had finally realised that Zigzag just lay there at nights, and barely ever slept. They did what they could to not keep him up and help, but mostly Zigzag fell back into a normal sleeping pattern. Or as normal one could be at Camp Greenlake.  
  
~*~  
  
I'm not crazy  
  
I'm just a little impaired  
  
I know, right now you don't care  
  
But soon enough you're gonna think of me  
  
And how I used to be  
  
~*~  
  
The boys in D-Tent became inseparable. No longer if one of their members was insulted did they just stand by and watch. This not only went for Squid, or any racist remarks towards the three black kids and one Hispanic, but towards Zigzag too. This was shown to be true on the eighth hole after Zigzag stood up to Squid.  
  
Zigzag was watching the broken TV in the Wreck Room, when a boy from A-Tent sneered at him and said loudly, "You're crazy."  
  
A lot of things happened at once. For his part, Zigzag stood up and stared at the much shorter boy. Squid and Barf Bag came up behind him and pushed him hard, sending him to the ground. Armpit picked him up by the collar while X-Ray stood in front of him  
  
"Don't mess with Zig, he's our friend." X-Ray said. "Yeah." Magnet added.  
  
~*~  
  
Yeah, How I used to be  
  
How I used to be, yeah  
  
~*~  
  
Zigzag could hardly believe it. He had friends.  
  
~*~  
  
Well I'm just a little unwell  
  
~*~  
  
Racial remarks became almost non-existent at Camp Greenlake after, following D-Tent's example, the tents became sticking up for their own. First B-Tent followed, then A-Tent, then finally C.  
  
~*~  
  
How I used to be  
  
(A little unwell)  
  
How I used to be  
  
~*~  
  
No longer did Zigzag think of his life as living hell. The unthinkable had happened; people had stopped taunting him. 'Now,' Zigzag said to himself, 'If only we could do something about those holes....'  
  
~*~  
  
I'm just a little unwell  
  
~*~  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Author's note: Erm. Yeah. That was interesting. It took me three days to write. I hope you liked it. Please review!!! Please?????? PLEASEE!!!  
  
By the way, I have a new email address posted: eh_manfiction@hotmail.com. Feel free to email me with any questions or comments!  
  
Alright, I love you all,  
  
~Eh, Man 


End file.
